"I'm interested in you, but I don't want to start a relationship right away."

Wei

We came to me to complain that she told me about this strange man as a victim. They were classmates and met again by chance. When they met, again and again, they noticed that they liked each other. So on a night when the red wine lights are all right, they are going to do something very suitable under the red wine lights. But the man said: "I am very interested in you, I want to continue to get in touch with you, but do not intend to fall in love with you right away, establish a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship." Wei was a little silly after hearing this, and there was a kind of feeling that the actors who were acting themselves suddenly wanted to change the script.

I asked Wei whether he said this before or after you two.

We said, before that, when he finished, I left.

I said, then he is loyal enough. No matter what state two people are in, they are afraid of the inequality caused by one party's ignorance. You think you two fall in love by default when you sleep. He thinks that when you sleep, you just sleep.

I'm not here to condemn this man for being frivolous and casual. Except for his ability to judge what kind of Wei is, I have a slight complaint. I don't think there's anything wrong with what he said. I even think this sentence is worth providing another way to solve the problem.

dating  Wei and that man are dating status, but there is no dating in our culture. either yes or no, there is no intermediate state. we also have a state called "ambiguous period", but most of our "ambiguous period" is evasive, and even the ambiguous parties dare not face the ambiguous state squarely.

when you hear someone introduce each other to a friend, you say, "this is my affair." Ambiguous object, the word even sounds derogatory. If someone says to you, "I'm interested in you, but I don't plan to have a relationship with you yet." You will instinctively feel as if you are not being respected. But this is dating. Many people have not said this sentence, but I think it is the problem. We have this kind of need and feeling, but we dare not admit that this state is normal. Contradictions are not contradictory. Dating does not mean irresponsible, nor does it mean that people dating are not serious about their relationships.

having a dating state has a huge advantage for me, which is that it can reduce misunderstandings. Reduce your chances of falling in love without knowing if you like each other. We are interested in each other, but neither of us has reached that boiling point in our current contact. If we are divided into ordinary friends, we waste the fate we met, but when we fall in love immediately, we always feel that something is missing. I think dating is badly needed at this time.

We can explore each other's physical and mental harmony together, and who can stop it when feelings burst out so that we want to be together. So when you're not here, what are you worried about, what are you afraid of, what are you avoiding? Why can't we just say to our friends, "by the way, this is my dating object." Then friends will not be surprised and regard dating as normal as a meal in dating. It is clear that we have already acted so far ahead, can we remove the mental roadblock a little bit?

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many people will feel that if dating is generally accepted as normal, their private lives will become chaotic. I want to say this, do you think everyone's private life is not chaotic now?

and on the issue of sex between men and women, didn't teacher Li Yinhe say three principles: adult, private, voluntary. as long as you meet these three principles and be single, what is good about sex because of the increase in number? Sleep in the moral will have a "relationship of responsibility", sleep more is slutty, sleepless or only one person, it will earn a good reputation and a good image. We should have climbed out of this "moral" abyss a long time ago.

A hormonal impulse means that you have to buy a bill of responsibility, which is unreliable regardless of gender. After all, the harmony of the body and the harmony of the mind are two different things. We are interested in each other and falling in love right away are two different things. Reality is so out of sync, why do we pretend that everything has to be synchronized?

if we want to build an open society, first of all, please be open, and we usually have to look at these ordinary thing. You know, it is not obscene, only because feudal ideas cover people's mouths, we feel that all the places covered should be vulgar and indecent and can not be seen. people's desires, we admit the desire for love, the desire for money, the desire for power, and even the desire for selfishness, but why does it become unspeakable when it belongs to this part of the body?

even if dating causes so-called private chaos, the problem is not dating, but what kind of person the person is. What's more, I think there is a different answer to whether this "chaos" is really "chaos".

how many people get married around us, all because, accidentally know each other, accidentally sleep together, accidentally fall in love, if you are not careful to get pregnant, you have to be careful to get married. As the link of the assembly line, everyone took a step, so every step behind is reasonable. Long live the true love we agreed on? It was agreed not to get married for the sake of marriage. Haven't we already entered into the brave pursuit of the love of the society, how still can not escape becoming a member of the flow operation?

We should face ourselves and our feelings equally and openly.

Maugham says,

"Love is a beautiful state,

not a way to achieve any end."