At the age of 25, I live my life in my favorite way.

[I hope all efforts will be repaid] has started a suicidal overtime mode for a long time in the past. The follow-up is the sharp pain in the neck after getting up, and the sudden awakening in the early hours of the morning.

I can't sleep, listening to the hypnotic radio on my cell phone, the waves and the rustling of the woods, but I still wait for dawn with my eyes open, and then according to the habit of the biological clock, I feel drowsy until noon. Suffering from insomnia for many years, this is indeed the most hysterical one, when Millet Congee for breakfast and lavender essential oil on the table completely lost their effect.

so what? "going to bed early" when you work overtime is as scarce as "drinking plenty of Scald" when you catch a cold.

Life is still your own, and giving likes is just a symbol clicked on the screen when others are bored.

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at the end of the morning, water vapor can be felt in the air, and the body, with the temperature of air conditioning, walked out of the office door and was quickly wrapped in a damp cold. Every day after work, I am used to chatting with taxi drivers. Their eyes look into the dawning distance and ask me in surprise, "have you just got off work?"

all I can do is smile and say, it's okay, I'm used to it. To accept the injustice of fate and the joys and sorrows behind the choices, some people drink and go on a shopping spree on weekends, while others work and study non-stop. We have the right to choose different forms to decide how to enrich our lives, but some look colorful, others look raw and bitter.

with timely pleasure and silence, no one can define whether the reward given by the years, in the end, will get what they want.

I just want to use all my strength to sprint closer to my destination while I can still decide how fast I am going, so that I can slow down and take a look at the scenery the rest of the time.

but life is not a trip. There is always a way, and you are doomed to miss something wonderful. But the splendor of the future is better than the splendor given up now.

who knows. [meaning of Travel] this year, I was eager to leave Beijing during the holidays. More and more fascinated by the fact that one is traveling alone, walking in a strange city without any old memories, this form of solitude is easier to feel.

looking around curiously, walking through narrow alleys, tasting local food in ordinary shops, and listening to local gossip in simple dialects. I remember Yonghe soya-bean milk in Taipei, sharing a table for breakfast with office workers in suits in the morning in the old seats, learning their appearance, and rolling crisp Youtiao with white pancakes. In the small noodle shop in Chengdu, I took the rabbit's head to eat with all kinds of noodles, and the boss's youngest son sat opposite me playing with the newly bought toy pistol with greasy clothes. In the small bar in Xi'an, listening to the boss and singer from Beijing singing folk songs faintly, I drank a thick gin and tonic alone and quietly heard it in the middle of the night.

should we choose the site where we should stop after watching all the sails?

should we walk through the sea of people before we know it? They say that individuals have the dream of traveling around the world. But how many people took that step.

Freedom and wandering, stability, and bondage, where is home. How can there be so much unforgettable beauty in travel? what is fascinating is the freedom of walking alone and the serenity of undisturbed people.

I remember that my friends invited me to travel last summer, and I politely refused, but this year, I planned almost all my holidays to near or far destinations.

carefully check the instructions of the playbook, plan the itinerary of each day in detail, pack your bags, and walk along with the crowd in the peak season to the distance we want to arrive but never arrive. People always change, or they expect me to change.

but in the end, I still have to go back to the computer, write a cold email numb, and make a cup of instant coffee on the table on a sleepy afternoon. [living alone for these years] living alone for these years, these words look infinitely sad. In this turbulent year, I moved in a hurry, checked all my luggage with friends late at night, and temporarily slept in a strange hotel with two suitcases. There have also been airports in southern cities where they ran from one end of the terminal to the other in high heels because there was no sign to change the boarding gate. I also had a quick breakfast at KFC or McDonald's in the morning to catch the earliest flight. In a difficult situation, people always ask, what are you going to do? It seems that I always have a calm and calm answer.

step on the chair alone and hang the curtains ring by ring.

lie on the ground alone and assemble the short and long strips of wood scattered into a bookshelf with a screwdriver.

face a room full of broken household appliances alone and call a repairman.

alone with a finger cut by a knife, I pulled out a band-aid from the medicine cabinet. My answer is I have no choice.

I have cried and complained, but I chose this path by myself. I make a full breakfast by myself, make French desserts on a whim, take a walk to see a late-night movie and eat popcorn for one person, sweat in the gym on weekends, drink a hot latte to catch up with a new manuscript, lean against a spacious double bed to memorize words or watch soap operas, wait for large and small boxes of daily necessities delivered by couriers on weekends, and eat delicious food with interesting friends on the evening after work. However, no one knows how you look in your pajamas without makeup or washing your face, and no one knows the interesting things you've been through alone. As mentioned in the movie "her", a ridiculous whimsical idea that passes in the twinkling of an eye. One day I suddenly remembered several pen pals I had made when I was a teenager. Write long letters on scented stationery at cram school on weekends and share all the trivial worries with them. Then after half a month of waiting, looking forward to the same long reply letter.

but now we have long forgotten what each other looks like. Instead, we have gained more and more words like "are you there?" in Wechat, and the words that are about to be confided in our hearts have to be in a hurry for a moment. Secretly regurgitate and chew, and then swallow hard. [how time has scratched my skin] in the past years, I crawled slowly like a desperate snail with a lot of obsession and desire. But now I find that the source of happiness is to let go.

temporary hardships and twists and turns are nothing. The terrible thing is that it takes you a lifetime to tolerate and accept their endless emergence, and the unknown light or darkness in front of you.

if in the face of lost time, there are a few clips worth talking to others happily in the twilight, it will be worth it for the rest of your life. One day when we went shopping with a friend, we tried on our favorite dresses and lingered in front of the mirror. Then share their feelings about standing in front of Xinguang Tiandi for the first time. She said that at that time when she was still in college, she took more than an hour's subway ride with her boyfriend to Dawang Road and came out to stand in the Xinguang world. She quickly retreated into the underpass like a small animal afraid of the light. She felt that it was a world that had nothing to do with her.

I also recalled the appearance of passing by Xinguang World for the first time many years ago. I felt that the world was so distant and dazzling that I didn't even dare to go in and warm up in winter.

later, as the years passed, we made many appointments for afternoon tea near there, and rarely went shopping to try on clothes on free weekends.

those lights are dimmed. Although in front of Herm è s, there is still an atmosphere of rejecting us thousands of miles away. How good it is to be young, we eat not enough snacks together, do not want to get drunk wine. Quietly talking about what I once wanted, but now I don't want it. The men who once loved in those years have now become what strange appearance. Our dream, which we once vowed to wait for all our lives, has now been crushed by reality and turned into a secular fruit. I remember seeing a friend in moments taking a night view of CBD from the high altitude of ITC. She said that she had to work harder to stay in this city a little longer. I want to say that when I sat in that bar for the first time, the sentence that came to my mind was the same as hers. But later, when I got together with my friends in the same place, we just touched each other's glasses, chatted faintly, and sighed deeply.

it's just that now I often think about what I give up and what I get to stay here in the middle of the night when I am too tired to sleep. We have experienced those ups and downs and indescribable hardship and loneliness, at a loss in the jointing growth, like running in the tropical forest, looking at the distant scenery from the cracks in the thorns, trudging through the mountains and rivers, day and night.

whether that piece of scenery is worth all your expectations, and give up with pain and determination. When watching "Food, Prayer, Love", I kept thinking about how brave it would be to give up everything at present and travel around the world to find what I need in my heart.

when she was about to leave him for India, he said, "We eat Indian food every night. Please don't go."

to tell you the truth, that sentence moved me. But you and I both know that she didn't leave him because of Indian food. He loved her, and suddenly under this change, he became at a loss and begged helplessly. We all want to break through the immutability of the past and find a better ourselves in the new world. Today, I am 25 years old, and I am halfway through the best time of my life. Sometimes when I climb the mountain, I find that it is not the height I once wanted, and I find it hard to extricate myself from a long period of loss and helplessness.

sometimes I find that there is a Spark fire at some point, and I look at him from a distance like a restaurant I like best but dare not eat it again. With so many people going back and forth this year, they were finally able to sit down and have a good meal and chat, but in twos and threes.

just pray for the future and live up to all my choices now. Happy birthday.