Boy molestation-the deepest pain, the biggest blank

when I was in the second grade, my brother-in-law and uncle were laid off, and his son, my cousin in the fifth grade, stayed with us.

originally I lived in the living room with my sister, who was four years older than me, but my mother felt sorry for her cousin, so she let the eldest of the three children, that is, my own sister, live outside and let me live with my cousin.

my lifelong nightmare. I am 22 years old, and I still remember when he first touched my lower body, took off my pants and let me lick him. I was so scared that I ran next door, woke up my sleeping parents and told him that he touched me.

I was so stupid at that time, just because I didn't say clearly what to touch, I just said he touched it, but he didn't talk to me, but he just gave me a cold touch, and my father let me go back. I couldn't go back, and I was scolded. I said don't pester my mother when you grow up. Who would have thought a fifth grader could do such a thing?

when he went back at that time, he was so much older than me that he pressed my head to his lower body, saying that it was useless to complain.

Let me calm down.

for a whole semester, for months, I suffered this torture every night. What did I know? I thought it was the same thing as a fight with other children. I felt sick, but I didn't understand. I just thought he was bullying me, but after the complaint was useless, I could only intensify during the day. I didn't eat when he sat next to me, and I fell when he took my toy.

all my relatives, including my parents, thought I was a pushover, and my sister was angry because she lived outside and never paid attention to me.

indeed, why didn't I bite him, yell harder, or do it harder?

he moved out later, but everything began to change slowly.

there is a station to pee in the boys' toilet at school, but whenever I see senior boys coming, I am very scared. I dare not play with any of my relatives' brothers at home. I only dare to play with my sister. It is ridiculous that even my father will only insult me and dislike me for being unmanly.

when I was in junior high school, did I know how I felt when I saw the av, played by my classmates for the first time? I feel as dirty as the most disgusting stain. I have no idea what I am. I should have done such a thing.

it is even more difficult for me to say.

later, when my family bought a house in town, my uncle's family was the first to lend money to my parents, who was an ordinary primary school teacher. I still told the cousin to leave when I saw him.

after my father scolded me, in my first year of junior high school, he told me who he bought the house for, who was the first to borrow money, how difficult it was for them to do this, and let me tell why I hated him.

Dad, did you ask me in the first year of junior high school to say that I was forced to lick his lower body by a man in the second grade for a few months?

I became silent.

their family often come to my house to play, live in my house, eat in my house, and sometimes even let my cousin sleep with me.

he does remember what he did when he was a child. He was afraid that I would say it, and he knew that I wouldn't say it when I was thin-skinned, so he was silent all the time.

when the number of people in the house fell short of my manners, he pretended to speak for me, and when he got home, he told his parents how I mistreated him when he lived in my house when I was a child.

later I found out that in high school, when the boys in the class started talking about developing girls, and when the girls started talking about boys, I didn't seem to belong to either side.

I'm lucky that I didn't kill myself, and I don't know how I got through it.

I admit that I later found out that in terms of sex, I felt dirty and unworthy of a girl, and I felt like that strange, protective respect, but no sexual impulse.

and the most ironic thing is that I was so afraid of men, but in my second year of high school, I found that I had an impulse for that majestic, sense of security-like person, and I had a desire to be protected.

later on, I experienced a lot, and because of my own experience, I decided to confess to my parents during the winter vacation at the age of 21, which is also a punishment.

they have nothing to say but make me try to forget.

also stopped forcing me to attend family gatherings for more than a decade.

also no longer let me sunshine, let me cheerful, let me not play so well with female classmates.

to be honest, to send this is to dig up the wound, but I think I should send it.

No one can save me, you know, no one can kill him, and he was only in the fifth grade when he did this.

some injuries cannot be healed, and some sins cannot be held accountable.

the more mature I am, the more my heart and roots wither.

the sexual impulse caused by watching his parents' porn when he was a child ruined me (homosexuality is not ruined, it is nothing else, not to mention here), but he lived a safe life.

Why?

I asked from sophomore to senior, and I only came to the conclusion that I depended on my fate.

I studied law in college, but later I found there was nothing I could do about it.

this can only be protected. Rely on the protection of the family. Rely on the child's consciousness.

I will not have children in my life. I hope that those of you who have seen my story and those who have children will remember one thing: let him be overbearing and dare him to raise a child rich or poor, and let him know that you are standing behind him. Don't want your children to make any mistakes and hit their own children first, and when something happens, think more.

even boys in the fifth grade can do that. What about other ages? I don't see where Dad is going, but it makes me sick to see this theme today, but I have to say.

some things are just a guide, you know, some older kids may lay their hands on the weak dolls at home when they see this, you know? They don't have the concept of crime, they're just bad, they just think it's funny.

what was destroyed was the life of that vulnerable group. We didn't magnify it, but it was disgusting that the program team got it from Japan.

if one has no discriminationAnd the defensive little girl, the little boy, what happens when you see a little older and prettier one without defense?

those who see Dong Li's legs and face behind the keyboard don't care about anything. Ask yourself, if you have children, won't you teach him not to come into contact with strangers except his family?

domestic child molestation, child abduction and destruction of life is still rare?

maybe Dong Li and the little girl are innocent. I think what is most worth tearing up is the girl's parents and planners.

it's true that when I grew up, I found some boys and girls who had the same experience as me, and none of them came out so far.

none.

I can happily forget everything with my girlfriends, and I can live a normal life under the protection of my boyfriend.

but as long as I see "focus" and see children being molested and sexually assaulted, I suddenly collapse, the kind of trembling collapse and anger and helplessness.

you can't compare indecency to sexual assault, one is chronic torture, the other is an one-off lifelong rout. Especially for a girl, if a girl is treated in this way, her life will be over.

going out is a lie. I can only hope that parents, the media and social morality can avoid it as much as possible. The cool and cute things seen in the novels in comics are unimaginably cruel and disgusting in reality.

the safety of girls is getting more and more attention, but boys, from beginning to end, do not get any attention. Most of the parents who molested and sexually assaulted boys also felt that as long as there was no physical harm, it was not a big deal, not to mention the backwardness of mental counseling and treatment in our country.

I can only hope, with blood and tears, the protection is to go forward and not to step back, you don't know how many potential dangers are around the child.

Make people swoon over you in modest formal dresses! This is the perfect place for your stunning collection!

A lot of grammar is confused and punctuation is wrong, but I am a little excited and will not change it. I just hope that what I see can pay attention to the boy. Sometimes boys who don't talk quietly will be sexually bullied at school. I hope you can pay attention to it.

every year, my birthday wish is to wish the people I hate will die. After my father knew about me, under Wechat this year, he still blamed me for being unlucky, unable to speak, and unable to be a man. Is he wrong? Yes. Does he love me? He loves. Does he understand my pain? 1/1000 .

I have long thought that being a man is boring, but I am cowardly, which is why I am still here.

author's postscript:

this diary is only the first part of my life experience, and the purpose of my writing is just to attract the attention of people with children.

but that repressed pain and memories are not all of my life now, that's all of my life before.

people can't live in memories forever. I hate it, but I accept who I am molded by hatred.

I can't get out, but I can get by. I am glad that I have passed, as long as I do not see the same thing, life can be maintained very well. But there are still a lot of people who have the same experience.

what if he's not in the fifth grade, he's mature, and he's really sexually assaulted?

anything is possible, but I'm over it.

my life is still wonderful. Although the foundation is crooked, I am still a comrade with positive values. Later, there were bigger storms in life than this, but because I was poured, when everyone thought I was going to fall, I survived.

I did spend those days because of cowardice, but now I am very strong, at least I don't live in chaos. At an older age, I wonder why people come and why they leave. Of course, it indirectly led to my undergraduate course, but I am still valuable and distinct.

this diary is a product of memory and pity for that fragile self. It is true that the injury cannot be recovered, but there are bigger and more painful injuries in the world.

only when you get through it can you type every word.

from the bottom of my heart, I hope that the people I see can be conscious of the children around me, but I don't want people to cry with me. When I cried alone, the Internet was not even popular in my hometown.

be happy to make friends and be careful in raising children.