I am the grown-up left-behind child.
In front of the eyes is a thousand years of snow, the heart is a hornet's nest.
Yes, I am the left-behind child who has grown up, who has lived with my grandfather since I was a child.
Grandpa taught me simply and rudely, and if he disobeyed, he would hit me. Every time I fight with someone, no matter what it is, no matter whether I lose or take advantage of it, I always get a fight when I get home.
when I was a child, Zhijie and Zhikai were cousins and best friends. Shikai had a lot of nimble ideas, and Zhijie's honest eight-pole wheel could not make a fart. I was grumpy and grumpy.
Zhijie is honest. Every time he is bullied, he doesn't dare to fight back, so he stands still and lets others hit him. The more he bullied him in this way, the more people he had, and every time Zhikai and I couldn't watch it any longer, so we helped him.
Zheng Haiwei in the class is too small to yell all day long, relying on his fifth-grade brother to bully Zhijie in the class. Once I really couldn't watch it any longer, so I helped him beat Zheng Haiwei. Shikai had a better brain and he didn't do it, because he knew that his brother would avenge him if we hit Zheng Haiwei. I am different, who can care so much when I have a temper.
after I finished playing Zheng Haiwei, his brother and his sister blocked me in the class after school that afternoon, but I would rather die than fight to the end. When they hit me, Zhikai had already slipped away, and Zhijie cried and stood at the door and dared not move. I took whatever I saw and ran between the desks with the three sisters in the class, picking up the stool and throwing it at them.
when tearing, his sister tore my clothes, and I also tore up Zheng Haiwei's clothes. Later, I was caught by his brother, and his brother pressed me to the ground and asked me to apologize to Zheng Haiwei. I admitted my death but did not apologize. His brother asked Zheng Haiwei to slap me, but Zheng Haiwei dared not.
I said to his brother, "you'd better beat me to death today. As long as you don't kill me today, one day I will grow up. When I grow up, you will die." As soon as I said this, his brother got angry and slapped me in the face. He didn't know the pain at all at that time, but he just felt hot on his face.
when I got home, I didn't dare to tell my grandfather, because I knew that my grandfather would beat me if he knew. After all, he had been honest all his life and didn't want me to make trouble outside.
as a result, during dinner, Zheng Haiwei's mother and his sister Zheng Haimei came to my house and told my grandfather that I beat Zheng Haiwei and tore Zheng Haimei's clothes. His mother jumped and scolded me in my house, saying that I was a bastard who had no one to teach me.
under such circumstances, my father would certainly beat her away, but my grandfather was timid and asked me to apologize to Zheng Haimei on the spot and said he would pay for her clothes. I didn't want to. I ran to the kitchen with a kitchen knife to cut Zheng Haimei and her mother. My grandfather grabbed the kitchen knife and slapped me in the face. Zheng Haimei's mother scolded hard in my yard, and finally, my uncle couldn't watch it anymore.
when my uncle came to my house with her rice bowl, Zheng Haimei and her mother were still scolding me. My uncle said, "get out of here. If you scold me again, I will tear your mouth apart." While talking, my uncle asked my aunt to come out and scold her, which was finally stopped by my grandfather.
after they all left, my grandfather made me get down on my knees and asked me, "Why are you causing trouble?"
I said, "Don't blame me. It was they who asked for trouble first. "
my grandfather said, "I don't believe that you are good, and others will look for you." Go and get me a tree cop. "
at that time, I didn't know that my grandfather asked the police to beat me. I was obedient and found him a very strong stick, and my grandfather beat him red and swollen all over. He wiped away his tears while hitting me.
while playing, my grandfather asked, "dare you again?"
I said, "Sir, you don't blame me even if you beat me to death today." As a result, my grandfather beat me to tears and said that I should not be so stubborn.
after this incident, I was very disappointed. I was trying to help Zhijie. As a result, Zhijie didn't help me when he saw the three sisters beat me, and the Zhikai brothers ran away ahead of time when they were beaten. I haven't played with them since then.
I was a little lonely by myself, and I didn't know that feeling was called loneliness. Even if I don't want to play with Zhijie who is unrighteous, I don't want to play with Zhikai who is smart. Adults have their things to do and have no time to play with me. I walk by the river all day alone with a tree stick.
when I was bored, I went to visit my relatives by myself. I went to visit my relatives. A child walked more than ten miles to my third aunt's house. I was going to stay at my third aunt's house for one night, but her dog gave birth to a puppy on a full moon. I said I wanted a puppy, and my third aunt agreed. I walked home excitedly after lunch with the little greyhound I had chosen.
after I have a puppy, I play with puppies every day. I find it more interesting to play with dogs than with people because as long as you feed the puppy, it revolves around you every day. I am glad that it is jumping around in front of me and wagging its tail vigorously. I am not happy that it lies motionless beside me, trembling for fear of losing my temper.
I am very kind to it. I save money to buy calcium tablets and steal steamed bread from home to feed it. It grows fast and listens to me very much. every day when I go to school, it sends me outside the village. after school, it always sits on the road behind me and waits for me. As soon as it sees me, it jumps and rushes towards me. I touch its head. It licks my hand.
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Zhijie and Zhikai often accosted me with nothing and praised my dog. After a long time, I forgot about it, so we played together again.
at that time, Zheng Haiwei's brother had already entered junior high school and went to school in the countryside. Zheng Haiwei became honest without his brother's support. When his brother hit me at that time, I thought that if his brother went to junior high school in the future, If I leave, I will beat Zheng Haiwei to death. Even if he doesn't dare to be arrogant, let it go.
when we harvested the autumn crops, there were only me and my grandfather and younger brother at home. After they had finished harvesting, we had not finished plowing. At that time, I was thinking that my parents must not want us.
so I don't remember every time they call home. No matter what my grandfather calls me, I don't answer. My grandfather got angry and said, "if you don't answer the phone, I'll call you."
I said, "you fight, I'll stand still and let you fight." You're so stupid, they don't want us, and you answer their phone. "
when it's time for the Spring Festival, other people's parents come back early and bring fruit candy, and new clothes. Only my parents didn't come back. I was angry. When I saw other parents going to the market with their children, I also missed them when my father carried his son around his neck.
I wanted to ask them when they would come back and be embarrassed to tell their grandfather, so I went to wait on the road behind the village every day. At that time, all the people who ran to the county were on tricycles, and it was very cold in winter, so I stood by the side of the road waiting for my parents.
I stood by the side of the road staring in the direction of the county. My dog has grown into a big dog, and it also looks in the direction of the county. A car drove far away, the distance was getting closer and closer, and my heart was beating harder and harder. I think my parents should be in that car. When the car came up to me, my heart was in my throat, and I passed with black smoke without even stopping in front of me.
although I was disappointed, I stood by the side of the road and waited, although it was very cold. Another car came along, and the mood began to get excited again, and then the car stopped in front of me, but it wasn't my parents who came down. I was very sad. I cried all the way home when it was dark.
I have been waiting by the side of the road for three days, and on the third day, it was already dark. A car came by. I thought to myself, if there is no more in this car, I will go home, and my parents got off that car. It was dark and I didn't know how my father recognized me. He told me I said yes, and then he picked me up and stabbed me in the face with his stubble.
my mother asked me if I missed her, but I cried before I answered her. Before the first month of the New year, my parents went out to work again. My grandfather and I sent them to the road behind the village. My father secretly gave me five yuan and told me to spend it slowly.
my mother came back that summer vacation. I was surprised. She said she would take me to school in Xinjiang.
my dog is going to give birth in the last few days. I'm going to Xinjiang, so I want to be with him, but he's always avoiding me. On the day I left, I went to say goodbye to him. I found him in the kitchen. He was giving birth to puppies. Other people's dogs are not allowed to be approached when they give birth to puppies, while my dog is still gently wagging its tail at me when it is born. I don't know why I cried when I looked at the scene. I didn't know it was our last face.
my mother took me to Xinjiang, and then we settled down in Xinjiang. I have been gone for more than ten years. After the university, I have the opportunity to go back to my hometown, the village has changed, the people have changed, and everything has changed, but there are still a lot of left-behind children in the village. I look really sad but so powerless.
when I went back, Shikai and Zhijie were both married. Shikai left a two-year-old son at home and asked his mother to take him and his wife to work in the south. When I looked at his son, I felt very uncomfortable. I remembered that my parents were not around when I was a child, and tears kept flowing down.
Zhijie got married and divorced because his wife thought he was too honest and ran away with someone else. Zhijie built a sheep pen at home to raise sheep, and his daughter was watched by his mother.
the houses in the village are getting better and better, and the courtyard walls are getting higher and higher. concrete roads are built on the streets, but there are fewer and fewer young people. A child kept running past him, and the grandma or grandfather ran and chased and panted and said, "Honey, slow down, don't fall. How can I explain if your parents come back?"
after I got home, I also saw Zheng Haiwei's brother, who beat me so arrogantly when I was a child, and now he and his wife open a restaurant at the fair, and everyone smiles and pull out cigarettes. He also has a son and a daughter who are in primary school, both of which are taken care of by his mother at home, and his children have also become left-behind children in the village and Jishang for more than ten miles.
every time I go back to the village and see those children running everywhere, their eyes can break the last line of defense in my heart and let my tears fall from my face, which is worse than being wrong when I was a child.
my college teacher has a subject to study for left-behind children. she discussed the problem of left-behind children with me. I told her that the biggest problem with left-behind children is the lack of sense of security. In addition, when you grow up, as long as others are a little nicer to you, even if it is unintentional, you will dig out your heart to others, and then get hurt again and again.
think of a sentence, the eyes are Qianqiu snow heart is a hornet's nest, at that time it felt like a big thing, and then think about it like that, no matter how uncomfortable it will not change anything. Yes, I am the grown-up left-behind child.