I have a female classmate in primary school.

it is said that I have a female classmate in primary school-this is nonsense, no matter male or female, everyone has a lot of primary school classmates. But she's good-looking. I know that can make a lot of men prick up their ears at once. You guys are so hypocritical. Always pretending to care about a woman's soul, in fact, the face is the most concerned, followed by the legs, and then the chest. The order of these three sometimes varies from person to person, but in any case, the top three items that attract the most attention probably do not include the soul.

what you say is beside the point. And extreme. Say it again.

I have a female classmate in primary school, which is very good-looking. She has a brother. I know she has a brother because she lives downstairs from my house. It's easier to put it this way: our two families are neighbors upstairs and downstairs. Her father is an electrician in my mother's unit, and her mother is an aunt in my mother's kindergarten. I was very delicate when I was a child. My mother was extremely worried when she sent me to kindergarten. She often secretly ran to the kindergarten to see if I was doing well. Did I cry so hoarse that no one paid any attention to me? This terrible imagination never came true. every time she secretly saw me sitting upright on the lap of my female classmate's mother through the door, although she was also wailing, she hugged me because my aunt didn't hug anyone, and always patiently slapped me on the back, so I never cried out of breath. So my mother has been grateful to her all her life. So I missed again. How on earth can we start to tell the story of a female classmate in primary school normally?

make a long story short. When it comes to the relationship between our family and them, it also talks about my mother's basic attitude towards their family. It's better to finish quickly along here. My mother thanked her mother, but her father didn't like my father very much and thought he was an engineer and arrogant. My mother is also a teacher of Radio and TV University. In those days, we were upstairs and downstairs, electric lights and telephones, which seemed to belong to two classes in this small unit, but in fact they were all quasi-poor people with a monthly wage difference of no more than 50 yuan. When my mother bought me new clothes and came home, her mother and she would occasionally watch downstairs, but said nothing. When my parents quarreled, there seemed to be no one in their house quietly, and no matter how intense it was, they would not come upstairs to persuade them. As a matter of fact, there is no contact between our two families, even though the aunt only hugged me in kindergarten. But it was not out of envy of my family, simply because I was too delicate when I was a child, and the whole kindergarten could not find a child who cried more than me. The name of this girl, let's call her Ah Huan. She's beautiful. The face is round, the eyes are round, the mouth is warped and red, and the outline of the facial features is very beautiful. She looks like her mother, whose real name is Deng Xiaoping. I heard it right, just call it this name, the same name as the chief architect of reform and opening up. So during the Cultural Revolution, her mother went to the public toilet one day and suddenly heard outside shouting: down with Deng Xiaoping! Down with Liu and Deng's counter-revolutionist line! I was so scared that I ran out of the public toilet without even having time to fasten my pants. After that day, Aunt Deng Xiaoping changed her name to Deng Weimin. It sounds like a man, but her name doesn't look like a woman either. Aunt Deng Weimin's daughter, Ah Yi, has been a beauty since she was a child. I fell in love with her when I was a child, because I was a dirty tomboy. My mother was busy at work and my braids could not be combed well. I was often asked to go downstairs to find Aunt Min to comb my hair. We grew up playing with mud together, but there were not many opportunities like this, because she always had to take her brother with her. She is two years older than me and her brother is three years younger than me. I don't know how she brings a brother who is five years younger than herself, but she always seems to be patient. I don't remember her brother very well. I almost forget his name. Let's go back to our friendship: we will borrow books from each other, which is a rare friendship for children. But at the same time, I have another childhood boyfriend. Ah Yi doesn't like our relationship and often works with other girls in the yard to isolate us. That's when she and I became adversaries. She once found me playing cards with him in the room and was ready to break into our room alone. I'm not sure if she's out of strict moral standards, or is she just jealous that we didn't take her to play. I don't even know who she is jealous of: the boy or me? Or are we together? All in all, our friendship seems deep but fragile, strange but ordinary. What was really tested was that I once found out that she had secretly taken one of my favorite dolls. Not long after my mother bought it for me from a big city on a business trip, I suddenly disappeared before I played for a few days. After almost half a year, I found a mutilated toy in her brother's hand, which was the doll I had been looking for for a long time. It had become so dirty that I didn't dare to confirm it at once. After looking at it for a long time, I found that a button I had dropped at that time was still missing.

I don't quite remember what I thought at that time. I seem to have gone to her to identify it. She said calmly, "my mother bought this for us." I have been a pussy since I was a child. I didn't know what to say when I heard her say that, so I finally walked away. But we haven't been close for a long time since then. I may have been shocked by her composure. I think although she is only two years older than me, she has already mastered some of the rules of the game in the adult world. Then she and I grew up with each other at about the same rate. When I was ten, she was twelve. We are still in the same grade. Together with Xiao Fei, another girl of the same age in the same yard, the three of us became friends for a while, but that girl obviously had more in common with her age. This directly led me to be afraid of the threesome up to now: I was afraid that I was the isolated one. Ah Yi and Xiao Fei are always talking about boys chasing girls, and they can't go to PE class when things go wrong. I was ten years old at that time, and although I skipped to the first grade, I had no idea what they were talking about. In class, I always bring toys, build books into an arch bridge, and a toy soldier goes in and out of each hand. I immerse myself in my own game world, while they are early.Has quietly become a big girl in a field I don't know. In the second year of junior high school, the relationship between them was not so good, and Ah Huan had a new friend Bailan. The three of us formed a new triangle, a new threesome. Ah Yi and Prynne are both very beautiful. By contrast, I was just an ugly duckling who went to school two years earlier than most people. The boys seem to pay more attention to Miss Prynne. Ah Yi unfortunately became a foil this time, but she seems to enjoy the position very much. Boys keep inviting them out for popsicles and walking, while I have to wait for them to come back from the street at school. There was a time when I really wanted to have a good relationship with Prynne and gave her a lot of little bookmarks with "MADE IN TAIWAN" on it. Her eyes were so beautiful that I even wrote her a poem calling her "a quiet white orchid blooming proudly in a corner of our southern town". At that time, all of us seemed to be men and women, who we met. If Prynne accepts my ardent pursuit, maybe I will become a lesbian later. But fortunately, we soon fell in love with a boy at the same time. The boy took it for granted that he liked Prynne, but because he loved reading, I couldn't accept my failure and tried to attract his attention with a common interest in reading. His surname is Zeng, and his name is Zeng Nanyong. Just calling him this powerful name is enough to make people admire him. He told us three girls about Sun Tzu's Art of War, 36 tricks, defeat without a fight, and the three of us listened very carefully. If any cunning rabbit dies, the running dog cooks. When the bird is high, the bow is hidden. The five tones are fascinating and the colors are blind. He carefully copied all kinds of famous quotes into the book with neat handwriting that he had practiced since childhood. We saw that we quickly recited these famous second-hand sentences again, and have not forgotten them until now. I seldom get a chance to spend time with this boy who looks talented and different. He spends significantly more time with the other two girls. But one noon, I found him resting alone in the classroom. This is my only chance. I'll walk over there.

what he wrote in a book. At that time, my composition was already very good, and I was in the national composition selection in the fourth grade of primary school. This may be the only place the ugly duckling can be proud of. So I boldly said: what are you writing?

Our homecoming dresses for tall girls are designed to wow even the random onlooker. Our flexible selections suit all body types well.

he looked up and found that I bowed my head again: I was writing a letter.

write love letters? I had the nerve to make a joke.

mm-hmm.

he admitted bluntly that I could no longer speak. When I was 11 years old in the second year of junior high school, I bowed my head with big black-rimmed glasses and walked slowly out of the classroom, giving up this chance to be alone. For the first time, I felt deeply jealous. I was nearsighted a long time ago, like a nerd, and I was small and thin, and I looked stunted in my junior high school class. Compared with these healthy and sensible girls, I am a bean sprout that has not been sent well, and it is useless to write a good composition. No boy will admire me; they haven't found out that I'm a girl at all.

when I take off my glasses when doing eye exercises, one or two girls happen to see that I look good. But what's the use? No one cares about this careless evaluation except that my heart is like a deer bump. Zeng Nanyong doesn't care even more. Even if he heard it, he probably didn't agree. The object of my jealousy is mainly Prynne. Just like Ah Fu forbade me to play with my childhood when I was a child, I don't know whether I care about the hero or the heroine in this love affair. I always watch what clothes she wears today, and occasionally she doesn't look good enough, so I feel sorry for her. She has a pair of turnip trousers made of silk, silver and gray cloth, which looks cool, but the style is so old-fashioned that it always makes me guess that her father must have cut the rest of the cloth for her. But this did not affect her dark skin and smiling eyes. every time it was her turn to be on duty, several boys competed to help her clean up. One of them was a little fat man named Cao, which I still remember. Zeng Nanyong never helped her: he was a loner every day and was so cool. His mother was our math teacher, and he dared to be the last in his class in math. He also wrote a weekly note satirizing parents and teachers' cramming education. As time went on, I felt more and more indescribable admiration. One noon in early autumn, Prynne and I were left alone in an empty classroom, perhaps because of the brief and intimate atmosphere at that time. I suddenly confided my mind to her boldly. After hearing this, she said slightly surprised: "No wonder you ignore any boys, only to talk to him a few words." However, she told me that classmate Zeng was not really good to her, at least not as good as Cao Xiaopang; he liked politics and wanted to be a high-ranking official and do great things in the future.

all this seems far away from me. I still stay in the post-childhood stage of copying lyrics, celebrity quotes and collecting sticker photos, even far away from teenagers. I was dumbfounded when she suddenly spoke of such a magnificent wish of her male classmates.

I said, anyway, I like him and you. Do you have to feel pain when you like someone?

she said that's what she said in TV dramas and Qiong Yao's novels.

when she said this, she looked like an old girl, her expression full of longing and yearning for love. All of a sudden, I feel that a child can feel the greatest humiliation and pain. Why are you all grown up and know so many things I don't understand, but I haven't? By this time, my parents had gone to work in Shenzhen. As a left-behind child, I stayed alone with my grandmother in Hunan. The really rebellious puberty had not yet arrived, but I was ready to move on the way over. I am curious about all the new things, but in a short period of time, I can only regularly receive one yuan of pocket money every day by abiding by the iron and steel discipline laid down by my grandmother. And use this yuan to do everything: go to rent a bookstore to rent Qiongyao, go to the school snack bar to buy ten cents a liter of five-spiced melon seeds and chocolates, and send New year cards to classmates during festivals.The postcards were reluctant to send, so they collected them by themselves, and more than a decade later, they silently turned into a pile of yellowing waste paper in the depths of the drawer.

I don't know what love is, but I have begun to learn to like people who look different from others. Although Prynne matured early, she did not show anything otherworldly; she just happened to be more elegant. So is Ah Yi, who is particularly keen on discussing the problem of boys chasing girls. I don't think they are special enough, but Zeng Nanyong is really special. If I were a boy, I also hope that, like him, I would care about politics, become a high-ranking official in the future, do great things, take care of the poor, overthrow all injustices, and help the world realize communism ahead of schedule.

I'm really disappointed that such a great man likes Prynne because of his appearance-- and I don't know who will be prettier in the future. Because of this disappointment and jealousy, I joked that I hate you. She and I are the only ones in the classroom. As soon as the words were spoken, she became sensitive: what are you doing? The story spread quickly. The so-and-so girl was jealous because of a boy and broke up with her good friend so-and-so. Ah Yi stood firmly on the side of Prynne. I tried to explain, but she wouldn't listen. I grabbed her at the school gate and gave her an angry push. I have never hit anyone before, and for the first time in my life, I was a kid who has been living downstairs since I was a child. Her mother is still my aunt in kindergarten, no one hugs me but me.

it was the evening of June in Hunan. The evening wind was gentle and the twilight was everywhere. Groups of junior high school students came out of school one after another, and the students in our class had long gone. No one who knew us saw this, and as soon as I pushed her, she slapped me in the face.

tears welled up quickly. I didn't fight back. I just ran back to my parents' house. They had been in Shenzhen for half a year, and the dark room was empty. I thought of my bad grandmother, confused and painful adolescence. I didn't know whether I wanted a good girlfriend or not. I knelt in the middle of the dark room and cried. That night was the end of my childhood.

and that slap in the face made Ah Huan and I no longer talk for a long time, including Prynne. To my regret, she and Zeng Nanyong didn't get together in the end. It wasn't long before I went to Shenzhen with my parents who returned to my hometown for the Spring Festival, leaving my grandmother's house and Hunan, where I was born and raised me. Many students gave me farewell and wrote farewell words, but they did not include Ah Yu and Prynne, nor did they ever be difficult. A pair of sisters even cried, and I cried, too. I cried all the way on the train to Shenzhen. The kind of sobbing from the heartbreak uprooted from the place of growing up, the bright and penetrating light of the sleeping car, is still in front of me now when I close my eyes.

almost five years later, Ah Li came to Shenzhen with her mother, Aunt Deng Weimin, formerly known as Deng Xiaoping, and her fiance. I was a freshman and I was seventeen years old. She is nineteen and a half. Her mother said that she had talked about a date and was ready to get a license to get married. My mother and I can't believe our ears. The boy and Ah Huan invited me to dinner and complained to me that they once quarreled in a cafe in a small town. She said I would go down for a while. And then just walk away. Worried that she would commit suicide, he searched all the corners of the town and walked along the railway line for several kilometers, only to find that she had comfortably opened a room in a small hotel in the center of the city and was watching TV. This is our Hunan girl, this temperament is also too big!

he also said that he works in another city and takes the train back to the small town every Friday night for her. He looked so sweet when he said these words, which made me think he loved her very much. Ah Yi looked good when she was a child, but she was overshadowed by Prynne when she was in junior high school. Now she has finally found a boy who knows how to appreciate her. I am sincerely happy for her. She came to my house as a guest like a lady to be married, as if that slap had never happened. We restored our childhood friendship; but we still felt that marriage seemed too early for us, especially for me, who had just turned seventeen. Ah Yi is two years older than me, but not yet twenty.

of course, their will to marry or not does not depend on my opinion. I bought gold wares in Zhongying Street and a mobile phone in Huaqiang North, Shenzhen. The bride price was complete. Soon I heard my mother say that they were married and placed dozens of drinks in their hometown. The girl I met when I was a child has become a married woman, which makes me feel new and out of it when I am in college. After all, it is too far away from my college life.

A few years later, I graduated from college. At this time, I heard that Ah Huan had been divorced. Bailan married the son of our local prefectural commissioner. This is very much in line with my imagination of her when I was a child. Zeng Nanyong went to Guangzhou and became a reporter for a sports weekly. Sun Tzu's Art of War, which he read when he was a child, may also be suitable for the sports section. We even somehow found each other, added QQ, to each other, but soon found that the growth trajectory is very different, it is not easy to find a common topic. I no longer admire him for knowing so many famous quotes, but his cynicism from childhood to childhood doesn't seem to have improved, but he doesn't always talk about "being a high-ranking official and doing great things." In this era when money squeezes out all dreams, even a person named "Zeng Xianyong" is very likely to be lost in the future when he grows up, and he can't easily save people like a Hollywood superhero. He studied law at a local university, and later he didn't seem to love literature so much. The year I was admitted to graduate school, I went back to my hometown and went to see Ah Yi. She told me that she was married again. The man who married this time is much older than her, loves her very much, and "cooks delicious and is willing to cook". She was reluctant to talk to me about her last marriage and spent a long time telling me how good her husky was. Once the whole family went on a two-day trip and forgot to find someone to take care of it. Husky was in a hurry and would rather jump off the third floor than pee at home. When she rushed back, she found that it had saved its hoofs and fell on the concrete floor downstairs for a long time, before it was broken.Legs, people watched and talked about, but no one to lend a helping hand. She also told me that the dog especially likes to eat ham sausage sold in the snack bar, but can not give it to it every day, "expensive and unhealthy."

during the 45 minutes of our chat, she simply told me that her family had changed a big house and bought a car, and that her husband was going to Guangdong to develop and do some small business. I didn't have time to tell her that businessmen in the south would go bad as long as they were rich. She is only 25, and although she divorced and then married, she is still younger than many people who have never been married. I am as confused as she is at what the truth of life will be in the next ten years. She's naturally more mature than me-- that's for sure-- but I don't know why I'm just worried about her. When she was young, she was direct, impulsive, enthusiastic, fell and got up, fought over and over again, and was much closer to the essence of life than I was, and much more tenacious and powerful. At this point, it may be superfluous to worry about her. I sometimes come across sports bulletins that were once difficult to write in some newspaper. A very short one, not much longer than the famous quotes he liked to copy when he was a child, the tone of the news is similar, and there is nothing sonorous and forceful. On the other hand, I found a job as an editor and began to write novels in spare time, which I published in magazines that were available everywhere, and occasionally wrote a little poetry, mostly in newspapers in the south. I never know if this high school classmate will see my novels, essays or poems. But compared with everyone's steaming life, it's not an important thing to be vain at all.

and seldom hear from Prynne again. I heard that she had given birth to a child, and that she had been divorced, and the child was awarded to her. Later, she also went somewhere to make a living on her own, and perhaps now she has become a strong woman who is able to deal with it appropriately and fiercely: as soon as she heard me say "I hate you", she quickly turned the public opinion of the whole class in a direction against me. The reaction is so fast and the EQ is so high that she should be the strong man of this law of the jungle society. But her business partners will never know how beautiful her eyes were when she was twelve. Even the classmate Zeng Nanyong has probably forgotten long ago. This is the memory of Ah Yi, led out of a lot of people, a lot of things. Over the past 20 years, China has experienced vicissitudes and integrated with the North and the South. Everyone's childhood has become fragmented, childhood friends are running away from home. But what I can't forget tonight is the years when I was a teenager. For a few years, everyone tries to learn bad for the first time, and imitates love for the first time: whether it's loving a boy or a girl. Later, they all became middle-aged people with definite sexual orientation, mired in infighting among themselves, keen to discuss RV stocks and travel abroad, and began to get married, cheat and divorce one after another. When I met them on the road, I felt strange. Just like International Children's Day, I happened to be shopping in a building on June 1. I just passed by the children's play area and watched the children skate for a while, when I suddenly saw myself in the full-body mirror around the corner of the building. The noisy laughter of the children was still in my ears; at that moment I was completely stunned by the person in the mirror. Once I might have been the opposite of what I am now: for example, a female punk, a lesbian, a Taobao shop owner, a bank clerk, a young woman in a small town who married at the age of 20, divorced at the age of 22, and remarried at the age of 25. Now this person in the mirror seems to have nothing to do with those vivid possibilities, but at that moment, they all beckoned to me in the mirror. I might have become a simpler and happier person: maybe, maybe.